LDR

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Does it really? does it differ from males to females? how long should the absence last? every time I hear or see this quote somewhere these questions run through my mind. I have a long distance relationship, and I should be able to answer these, but i can't. What really are the rules of an LDR(long distance relationship)? if one's heart grows fonder then that will make the person want to be near his/her significant other. So, is that something positive or negative? do women stay in love longer than men? is it better to just forget about each other until the next meeting? too many questions; too few answers.

Snow Day

Ugh!! I hate the snow. But it gives me a reason to not go to work today. The roads are piled with mud and snow; people are scarce; and transportation is slow. The roofs of houses and the trees are covered with a white blanket of snow.

My cousin woke me up in the morning to tell me how beautiful everything looked outside. Although I'm not too fond of snow, I agreed with her. We decided that we would go outside and take some pictures.

By the time we were done, it was time for lunch. My cousin and I were ravenous and could not wait to eat my aunt's homemade Bengali cuisine. Today's special was fish curry, dal (lentils), mashed potatoes (Bengali style), and rice. Everything was delicious.

After my cousin and I finally came upstairs to our room, we were too full and lazy to do anything but lie down and read a book. She grabbed her school book and I picked up Tears of Rage by John Walsh, which I have been reading for the past week. It's an amazing read.

I can do it

Another dull day at home. It's beautiful outside. I could go for a walk, but I want to be alone. I don't want to be among people, and there are a lot of people outside today. I can think when I'm alone. About my family, school, Ishank. All these thoughts stress me out sometimes, but I need to think. I need to know my own feelings and to learn from them. Sometimes I feel that life is so difficult, so unfair. But then I think about the people who don't even have the luxuries that I have. People who deal with bigger problems than mine.

The other day I was reading an article in Glamour magazine about a guy who was perfect in every way before he had an accident and was confined to a wheel chair for the rest of his life. Although his life shattered around him, he carried on like any other normal human being.

A few days back, my manager at work told me that she was kidnapped and gang raped when she was eighteen. she said that she never filed a complaint because she was just happy to be alive. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that after all these years she was still standing in front of me and smiling. When she told me it brought tears to my eyes. I told her how strong she was.

So, I need to stop thinking that life sucks because it sucks more for some other people I know. But I'm also scared. Scared to go outside for a walk. What if something bad happens to me? I know that being scared is never going to help me accomplish anything. One day I have to live alone and do everything on my own. I need to be strong and tell myself that i can do it.

It is difficult

It is so difficult being so far away from my family. I miss them terribly. Sometimes I feel as if I should not have come away from them. There are times when I feel so helpless. Today I came to know from my Mom that my sister got hit by a bike. I cried a lot, but after I talked to my sister I found out that it was nothing serious. She said she was fine, but I wanted to be near her, to see her. I get scared so easily nowadays. Anything bad that happens seems like it is my fault. I feel guilty to be away from the people I love so much. I know that there is nothing I can do but to call them and make sure that they are all keeping well. It is the least I can do and I hope it matters in at least a little way.

I'm always complaining

I needed a day off from work because I've been working everyday for the past couple of weeks, and i needed a break. but now that I'm at home I don't wanna be here. I feel as if I'm not being useful. Maybe I'll go see my friend Caterina later on. I'm not gonna have as many hours at work this week because one of my coworkers needed some hours, so I gave her some of mine. I've earned a lot of hours for the past two weeks. Besides I wanted to help Carrie (coworker) out. she's a wonderful person. It's 2:08 pm and I have the whole day to myself. I feel like talking to Ishank, but he's busy. sniff sniff!! maybe I'll go watch some TV.

Thoughts of him

Thoughts of him fill my mind. Every second, every day. I wonder when I will see him again. I hope it is soon. Right now all I can expect is to hear the sound of his voice over the phone. The countdown begins ever since the second I wake up in the morning. Time just doesn't go by when one is waiting for something so eagerly. Morning to afternoon to evening to night........midnight. My phone rings.....it's him. The sound of his voice gives me new energy. Makes me want to jump with joy, conquer the world. He says: "Hey, what's up?" I'm thinking: I wish you were here, I love you so much.